Near To You
by LivLifeForever
Summary: Set in mid-New Moon.Edward does not return and Bella decides to give Jacob a try and find out if she can love again. No bashing. I am actually team Edward, but I just had to write this. It's a songfic set to the song of "Near To You" by: A Fine Frenzy.


Jacob and I walked along the boardwalk in Port Angeles silently. I looked up into his face, at his perfect features- no. He had beautiful features, but not perfect. I'd seen perfect. Perfect was etched painfully into my brain like a burn mark that I wasn't totally sure I wanted wiped clean.

_He and I had something beautiful  
But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last_

My eyes started to well up automatically, and my heart thudded, aching. There it was; the hole that ripped and shuddered through my center. I stopped and bent over, clutching my abdomen. All of the words that he spoke in the forest that one day came back in searing clarity.

_I loved him so but I let him go  
'Cause I knew he'd never love me back  
_

Jacob's face turned instantly to concern and he put his arm around me to steer us towards a nearby bench. He just hugged me as I cried, holding me tighter as the sobs wracked through me. I hated doing this to him. I hated him seeing me in so much pain. I mean, who wants to comfort their girlfriend who is grieving over another guy?

_Such pain as this  
Shouldn't have to be experienced  
_

After I calmed down enough to stop crying and just breathe, Jacob spoke.

"How long do you think it'll be until this stop happening;" He asked, looking out to the beach. "until you get over him."

I looked down at my shoes. "I don't know"

"I mean, you can't keep living this way. You can't always fall into a downward spiral every time you hear his name or think about him. How will you be able to enjoy things again, to live again," he tilted my face up to his, "to love again."

_I'm still reeling from the loss,  
Still a little bit delirious_

"Jacob…" I murmured.

"I love you Bella, and I know that you're in pain, but I need to know if this is ever gonna end, or if I'm just wasting my time here." He said, his face in pain.

"Jacob, I love you too. And it will end, It's just taking a long time for this to pass. He left a big mark on my heart and that sort of thing doesn't just erase over night." I tried to explain.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you._

"I have been hurt worse than I've ever been hurt before Jake, and my heart has it's guard up. It knows I love you, but it's not taking any chances this time."

_You and I have something different  
And I'm enjoying it cautiously_

He sighed. "Sometimes I feel like you don't want to get over him, that you aren't even trying to."

_I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard  
To get back to who I used to be_

"I know it seems bad Jake, but I feel it getting better all the time."

_He's disappearing  
Fading steadily_

"Don't give up on me just yet." I pleaded softly.

_I'm so close to being yours  
Won't you stay with me  
Please_

He looked up from the ground then and stared into my eyes with an intensity that I hadn't seen for… many months.

"I'll never give up on you Bells. Never."

I smiled; something my face hadn't felt for a long time also.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you.  
_

In my mind, my thoughts were swirling around Jacob and I started to chant in my head too until I started saying it out loud.

_I only know that I am  
Better where you are  
I only know that I am  
Better where you are  
I only know that I belong  
Where you are_

His face lit up and suddenly I saw the Jacob I fell in love with. My sun; My air; My Jacob.

_Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
Though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on_

Near to you, I am healing  
But it's taking so long  
'Cause though he's gone  
And you are wonderful  
It's hard to move on  
Yet, I'm better near to you.

Yet, I'm better near to you.

"I loved him." I said "But I'm better near to you" And then to finally put all of his doubts aside and show him what I really mean; I held his face and I kissed him with all of the love that I _could_ give. And you know what it felt like? It felt like someone making the last stitch in my thoroughly broken heart.


End file.
